New Ridesharing App Promises to Get Students On Time, Every Time

“I just can’t make it from my freshman history class in the portables to the math building on the other side of the campus in the allotted five minutes of passing time!” was the startlingly specific complaint exclaimed by one exasperated student during her daily struggle of a walk between B-block class and homeroom last Tuesday.

But dumb freshman aren’t the only ones with this complaint: “I’ve lost half a pound this quarter alone from my morning walk. I even had to drop a weight class. It’s just unacceptable,” said the senior wrestling team captain, David Marshall.

Luckily for these exhausted youth, a new app could be the solution for the lengthy hike across campus.

For your lazy ass

ÜDon’tHave2Walk, is a growing ridesharing app that picks students up at any point between the Yoga classroom and the doorway at the end of the freshman wing and drops students off at the circle between the Mathematics and World Language buildings. The service, provided by faculty and seniors with cars on campus, is said to save students “a lot of time”, according to company representatives, and will cost $5.00 per ride.

Additionally, students can elect for the “Süper Fast Ride” for an additional $4; this itinerary includes priority boarding through the front passenger door and a driver reluctant to abide by any traffic laws and signs.

The app is set to utilize the ApplePay and Google Wallet payment methods included in most new smartphones, but students can also pay using their 4-digit lunch money pin code.

A popular student, Laura Penelope, said she “would download this right away”.