LHS Clocks Briefly Display Accurate Time

Ticking with a rhythm that filled even the most fretful of students with peace, the ubiquitous analog clocks installed in each lively classroom of LHS collectively aligned with Eastern Standard Time for two glorious weeks.

“I thought this only happened in movies! The worlds align!” exclaimed Kimye Jenner, a wide-eyed freshman, comparing the time on her cracked iPhone 6S to the time on the cracked face of the 240-year-old clock hanging in her English classroom. Jenner later admitted that she did not know how to read an analog clock due to the “deceptive” clock hands and the “convoluted” system of multiplication and addition involved. “In fact, I’m not really sure why we still have these clocks,” Jenner continued, “when we have phones and watches which work much better.”

When told Jenner’s words, the mysterious administrator behind the LHS clock system laughed and told our reporter to wait while he switched the clocks back exactly 16 minutes. “Let’s see how much this Kimye Jenner uses her phone to check the time now!” the administrator declared before clarifying, “Of course, as I’m sure you already know, the inaccuracy of our clocks is a critical element of the LHS anti-cellphone policy.”

As of press time, all clocks have returned to running three minutes early, just enough time for LHS students swinging into class at exactly 7:45am EST to receive tardies. All four dean secretaries declined requests to comment, citing that they were too busy writing passes for such students to save them from the catastrophic and fatal mark of T anywhere on their coveted attendance sheets.

Not again, Harold! You’re going to be late!