LHS Freshman Earns Meager “P-” in Health; Blacklisted by Tufts and Wesleyan

What a dumb kid.

LEXINGTON – As third quarter comes to a close nationwide, so do the collegiate dreams of millions of high schoolers.

No one understands this ugly truth better than Lexington High School freshman Cameron Freedman. Cameron, better known as or “Cam” by, as his acquaintances, call him, was delivered an enormous shock on Tuesday afternoon. After taking a cool twenty minutes to reset his Aspen X2 account password twice before finally being assigned a new one, Cam set his eyes upon his academic progress; or, rather, his lack thereof. After scrolling past a disappointing array of A-’s and B+’s, Cam arrived at his quarter grade of Freshman Health / Wellness. His jaw, as well as his heart, dropped as an ugly “P-” seared his innocent young eyeballs.

Not too long after, Cam rose from his tear soaked pillow to a barrage of vibrations and alerts on his outdated iPhone 6. To his dismay, yet not to his surprise, Cam watched emails from college admissions officers pour into his inbox. Tufts, Wesleyan, and many more highly touted colleges and universities informed the defeated Freedman that he would no longer be considered a potential future student.

“It’s pretty disappointing,” said a crestfallen Freedman. “I definitely could’ve done more. It’s all my fault.” Another gash may soon come to the already battered freshman, as the esteemed University of Chicago will reportedly soon follow suit in blacklisting the former 5-star prospect. Though such phrases as “Pray for Cam” and “Cam Strong” have been making the rounds at LHS, Freedman is just another case in an alarming recent trend: Lexington High Schoolers are not, in fact, perfect.