SectionsLHS Senate cancels “Senate Day”, announces “Senate Awareness Day” instead
Students wonder: Like campus Republicans, does the Senate really exist? And can I fight them?
LEXINGTON, MA - In a final attempt to gain recognition, the Lexington High School Student-Faculty Senate has announced that “Senate Awareness Day” will now officially replace “Senate Day”.
“We had awfully low turnout to Senate Day last year”, said moderator Ryan Lee when asked for the motives of this action. “The student body needs to be aware that it does, in fact, have a Senate.”
When questioned further, however, Lee was reduced to blatant lies. “It’s not just for the résumés, you know,” fibbed Lee, “the Senate actually cares about the students [sic]”.
“Wow, we have a Senate!” remarked freshman Karl Ma upon being informed of this event. “Can we be all cool and grown-up and pass bills and stuff?”
However, some older students are not as excited.
“There’s no way we have a Senate in this school. I’ve been here for four years, and I’ve never seen or heard of any Senate. This is probably just a lame prank,” says Andrew Wang, a senior, in an exclusive interview with the Muskeeto.
At press time, the Senate had to postpone voting on the exact date of Senate Awareness Day as the Senate was not in quorum.
Update: As of 1:09 PM EST on 3/27/2016
The hashtag #doesthesenateactuallydoanything has surfaced recently on social media platforms, just hours after Senate Awareness Day was announced by the Oversight committee. In response to this affront, the Senate has published a statement on its website.
After gloating about the legitimacy of Senate meetings and its “aesthetic” and “up-to-date” website, the statement concluded with the following:
“Lastly, and most importantly, we don’t [care about] what you think. We’ll see who gets accepted to that Ivy League school, shall we? Let’s just say that no matter what you do with your life, we’ll still have a better ‘Leadership Skills’ section than you. Also, anti-Senate hashtags are heretical.”
The Muskeeto has been informed that the Oversight committee has started drafting a bill to execute without trial anyone who questions the authority of the Senate.
At press time, the Oversight committee had been renamed to the “Committee of Public Safety”, and all other committees had been dissolved.