Guilty Student Finally Comes Clean about Printing 11th Page

An LHS student learns the hard way about the consequences of taking on the library.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore. It finally dawned on me that I was a fugitive of the law and I had to turn myself in.”

LEXINGTON – After being unable to eat or sleep for the last two days, 10th grader Trevor Schmidt, riddled with guilt, finally confessed to being the one that printed that 11th page without paying on Tuesday morning. As vigilance in the school library was heightened to levels only comparable to that of Guantanamo, he knew he had to give himself up.

Late yesterday afternoon at around 2:30pm, Trevor made the slow walk from the science building, through the quad, and to the dean’s office in the main building to turn himself in, doing his best to shield his face from questioning students.

When asked about his mindset before the event went down, Trevor responded candidly, “I just needed to print out my history essay. When I realized I didn’t have the 10 cents I needed to pay for the last page, my mind just went off on its own, plotting how to get that 11th page. I really thought I’d get away with it. I even used a different computer for the final page.”

After successfully making it out of the library unnoticed by army-crawling through the metal detectors, Trevor headed straight for History, thinking he had saved his 4.01 GPA and 10 cents in the process.

Unfortunately for Trevor, he wasn’t quite suited for the criminal lifestyle. The mounting pressure of keeping a straight face after pulling off the classroom heist of the day took its toll. As a straight A student, he hadn’t done anything so illegal since he accidentally pocketed a ketchup packet from the lunch line in the fourth grade.

He said, “I’ve spent every day since the library incident hiding my face, trying to keep a low profile. My mom has been dropping me off by the trees around back of the foreign language building so I could sneak into the quad inconspicuously. Once the library started putting up ‘10 page only posters,’ though, I just couldn’t take it anymore. It finally dawned on me. I was a fugitive of the law and I had to turn myself in.”

Trevor’s mother, Winifred Schmidt, commented, “I thought Trevor was just trying to lose some weight and get some fresh air with the longer walk. I can’t believe he’d do something like this. He’s usually such a mild-mannered boy. Quite frankly, I didn’t know he had it in him.”

Trevor’s GPA is now down to an even 4.0, and fellow classmates have taken to calling him “Trevor the Twit,” though that likely has nothing to do with his insidious plot to defraud the school library. Trevor concluded, “Looking back on all the grief and unrest I’ve caused, the worst part of it all is that I didn’t even need to have a bibliography.”