Freshman Accidentally Qualifies for Boston Marathon while Running to Class

LHS freshmen tackle difficult discussions on race and privilege.

LEXINGTON – “I was just absolutely bewildered,” reports LHS Freshman Jeremy Loring. “I didn’t even know I was under surveillance.” At 11:43am on Tuesday, October 20th, Loring officially qualified for the Boston Marathon on LHS’ own 26.2 mile course that contours the California-style school. The course includes 16 laps around the Quad, a loop through the freshman portables and freshman wing, library, the ladder on the auditorium wall, commons one, and commons two, and both small hills leading from the drop-off circle to the Quad. Loring’s guidance counselor reportedly signed him up for the race after observing his sub-4 minute mile pace during passing time in the early weeks of first quarter.

Loring’s friends report secretly pushing his pace as they sprinted through the halls to beat the clock as it unforgivingly ticked down 5 minutes between classes. With 4 AP classes despite LHS’ typical freshman course load of 0 APs, Loring reported, “I didn’t even realize I was running because of all of the norepinephrine being released thanks to my sympathetic nervous system!” (He takes AP Biology) Race marshalls disguised as lunch monitors and trees carefully calculated the exact distance Loring ran using kinematics equations, a photogate, and vector component models to include distances covered as Loring side-stepped upperclassmen slothing through the halls during frees. After only two hours and fifty seven minutes, Loring had completed exactly 26.2 miles between classes and first lunch.

In order to support and encourage other ambitious and fit freshmen, the LHS administration in conjunction with the Boston Athletic Association has announced that it is opening an entirely new English building next to the good ole Lexington Reservoir as part of a new marathon training course. “This way, all students will have the opportunity to embed exercise into their schedule” reported the Vice Principal, Ms. Flannagan. When asked about how this would affect upperclassmen, she provided no comment.

The Boston Athletic Association will soon open up registration for its new age bracket, 13-15, to accommodate Freshmen across the country who can beat a qualifying time of exactly three hours. The course will be altered for this new Freshman race, said to debut in the spring of 2016, so that it includes many more tight turns than the original Boston Marathon Course. Freshmen will race with backpacks of a minimum 13.1 pounds for a prize of an additional 0.07 GPA points.