Lame Duck Superintendent To Call Snowdays With Reckless Abandon

What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together? A receding hare line!

Underground Bunker, LPS Headquarters – The figure known as Dr. C or Dr. Tchaikovsky or Mike Krzyzewski or “however you say the superintendent’s name” is reveling in the newfound freedom of her lame duck state. Sources tell the Muskeeto that as the haunting spectres of PTA parents and school board meetings fade into the past, she has come to the realization that she faces absolutely no repercussions for her actions. With this in mind, Dr. C has taken to her underground lair to plan the next few months.

“I want to go out with a bang!” She remarked when asked how she planned to use her last few months in power. “There are no consequences and thus there will be no holding me back, I finally get to unleash the anarchy I’ve always craved.” With the previous snow day record sitting at 14, Dr. Rachmaninoffsky hopes that her utter disregard for future job prospects will allow her to take down the record. The buzz on the streets is that tonight, March 7, will be the launching point of this bold campaign – a day that will soon live in Lexington Public School infamy.

Once all pretense of decorum is shredded and extirpated, Superintendent Cziraowszvbki hopes to unleash her lame duck powers and run amok in a manner not seen since Nixon. “Why stop there?”, she could be heard chortling early Wednesday morning. “Snow days, rain days, cloud days, breakfast burritos at the grab n’ go days, we can cancel school for anything! It will be GLORIOUS!”

Anticipating stiff opposition from the establishment, she plans to wield her power of pardon with a wild fury. At press time, she was seen surrounded behind the field house by a mob of angry parents in Chevy Suburbans. As the circle closed in on her, sources say she repeatedly pardoned herself, along with a nearby student. The student was reportedly sprinting out of the top door of the IDLC twenty minutes before the bell, and was trailed by an angry, QR code scanner-brandishing Mr. Borden. Stay tuned to the Muskeeto for future updates as the reign of terror plays out.