Frait Express Wages War on Awkward Silence in Commons 1

Lexington, MA – Goodbye breakfast burritos, hello innovation: Early Monday Morning, students of Burlington High School arrived to find their beloved and storied Frait Express gone, replaced by a grimy old “grab n’ go”. Little did they know, their counterparts at Lexington High School were just as perplexed, finding themselves on the other end of the Devil’s Bargain. This gentrification has split the student body along mostly partisan lines. Major demographics have come out in support of extra real estate for artisanal water, while others have pined for the simplistic days of cold mozzarella sticks. Yet, all can agree that this hulking monstrosity of a structure has changed what it means to be almost-friends-but-not-quite-but-I-know-him-from-gym-but-he’s-kinda-weird with someone.

Gone are the days of averted eyes and desperate muttered complaints about shared teachers. Almost universally, stagnant conversations with these people have been resuscitated with a simple, “Boy, would ya look at that”, or a “What even is that letter at the beginning of Frait??? (or Jrait or Trait)”. And, just like that, relationships with people who float around the dismal, dark edges of your social circle have flourished. As LHS legend Paul Simon once said, “These are the days of mystery and wonder”, the golden age of conversation at LHS. Like never before, even those who sit down first in the middle of the table, but still end up on the edge of the conversation, will wedge themselves into some sort of discourse.

Moreover, these developments have had unexpected health benefits. No longer do young denizens of the commons have to stuff their faces with PB&Js, eating at unsustainable rates to avoid talking. No longer do The Boys™ have to talk about Fantasy Football for the tenth straight day, due to a sheer lack of willingness to fire up brain cells and talk about literally anything that would be more thought-provoking or interesting.

That being said, due diligence must be done before this hulking mass is completely accepted in our tight-knit community. The Student-Faculty Senate has resolved to find out “who this Frait Guy is”, just after they vote on whether or not to put up an announcement board or not not ban skateboards that people don’t ride in the quad. After all, the mysterious Frait figure could yet be some sort of mysterious overlord, even bigger and more powerful than resident large overlord Dr. Stephens.

While the interpersonal benefits of this lugubrious leviathan are indubitable, the situation only serves to shed light on the still dismal situation in Commons 2, where student non-athletes spend their lunches –– actually, I have no idea what they do over there, if someone actually has physically eaten lunch in that intellectual hellhole, please inform the Muskeeto at lexmuskeeto@gmail.com. As always the Muskeeto remains dedicated to rescuing and rehabilitating frequenters of Commons 2.