Student Protests Against Lack of Urinal Dividers Reach All-Time High

Urinals that bear a slight resemblance to those in the boys locker room

Lexington High School – As faculty meandered through the entrances to Lexington High School on a brisk Monday morning, a new and unwelcome sound greeted them, resonating through the halls. The origin of these rumblings could be found deep in the heart of the main building: the boys locker room. For what was starting was the beginning of an ongoing movement, one already being compared to some of the greatest revolutions in LHS history.

The man in charge is none other than senior varsity football captain, Brock Erikson. A member of the Muskeeto Investigative Unit was able to get through the crowds to talk to him, and despite his extremely busy schedule and limited vocabulary, Brock was kind enough to provide a thoughtful summary of the situation. “Ever since they took the urinal dividers away, the team has had less space to draw [male reproductive organs] on,” he claims.

This issue, however, is larger than just the football team, and has even transcended gender borders. “While male pigs are stirring up a fuss about lack of urinal dividers, girls bathrooms don’t even have urinals in the first place,” complained student activist Destiny Friedman. “This is the patriarchy that we are fighting to take down every day.” She later thanked the Muskeeto’s Investigative Unit as being the only real news platform to ever listen to her.

While Principal Stephens has already scheduled a schoolwide I-Block assembly for Wednesday to address the protests, students are skeptical that any new legislation will actually be passed. As tensions rise between the administration and the student body, public displays of anger have become more frequent. Today, during third lunch, a group of boys circled the Zero Waste Station, trapping the Volunteer Trash Sorter. “What do we want?” asked Brock Erikson. “Urinal dividers!” Responded the other protesters. “When do we want it?” “Now!”

The Volunteer Trash Sorter later declined to comment on the situation, but was visibly shaken up. Her Assistant Volunteer Trash Sorter did mention to the Muskeeto Investigative Unit that this was a sensitive topic for the Volunteer Trash Sorter as her son sees a therapist on a regular basis for being “pee shy”, or unable to urinate when other people are in close proximity.

As of now, Brock Erikson is planning on chaining himself to the urinals in the science building, preventing students from using them. He kindly requests that those who “roll with him and the boys” do not cross the picket line. He also has created a schoolwide email chain, telling his peers that “your teachers will respect you for making a stand on an issue that needs to be addressed”. The Muskeeto will continue to report on the protests as the week continues.